Thoughts Unburdened
by annwitch
Summary: Lois reminisces about her defining moment one that includes a certain spandexclad superhero. PostSR oneshot told from Lois's POV.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Superman. If I did, though, that would be quite cool. But as far as I know, DC Comics and Warner Bros. do.

**A/N:** Set a year after SR, this is a oneshot that is told from Lois's POV. Richard left Lois about six months ago, and Lois moved to an apartment in Metropolis along with Jason. I wrote a majority of this wayyyy back in November, but forgot about it until now. I finished it up, altered a bit of the storyline, and present it to you now. Sorry if its a little weird, I was experimenting with a new style of writing, but I hope you enjoy it anyways ;)

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"Lois, there's something that I've been meaning to, that I've been wanting to tell you." 

Its funny, isn't it, how one simple statement comprised of ordinary, everyday words can be the one statement that's life-altering, the statement that will forever be remembered as the moment life has changed drastically. Publicly, there have dozens of these statements made. Privately, millions.

But in my short life, I have not been faced with such a statement that would change my life, and my life alone, so drastically. Sure, I have lived through declarations of war, but nothing, _nothing_, could compare to what was waiting for me following this ordinary sentence.

That day, the day that I will forever earmark as the day my life was drastically changed, was starting out pretty uneventful. I had already had a major coffee run- the sludge they try to call coffee here at the Planet does not compare to a venti latte from the coffee shop on the corner, even if I do have to fight tooth and nail for it.

Jimmy Olsen, photographer-turned-errand boy, stopped by at my desk as I was typing up one story or another. His nervous look on his face told me all I needed to know, but he still spoke the message out loud. "Um, Ms. Lane, Chief wants to see you. Um, in his office," Jimmy stuttered out, fiddling with his camera around his neck.

I sighed, and stood up as I prepared to walk towards my impending ordeal. "Jimmy, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Lois," I said offhandedly as I peered over Jimmy's shoulder, looking at Perry White's office. After straightening my skirt and blouse, I turned back and faced Jimmy. "Oh, and thanks," I said, not able to keep out a hint of sarcasm from my voice.

While walking over to Perry's office, I glanced at my coworker and former partner, Clark Kent, who was intently staring at the screen and typing quickly. Wait, that would be an understatement- he was typing faster than I could follow, his fingers a blur.

I paused for a second, studying him. Even though I had worked with him for a year since his return, I never really looked at him, never really noticed him. He always faded into the background, except for those common instances where his inner klutz would make an appearance and he would do some clumsy thing that would cause him to apologize. Or when Jason would ask if he could go over to Clark's desk, as Clark was one of the few people who would willingly entertain him. Even then, he was still just a decoration to the office, much like the fern that resides on the corner of my desk at home- there, but not noticed.

Clark had black hair, parted neatly on the side. He was rather tall, but that fact was often overlooked as his perpetual slouching made him seem diminutive. What particularly defines his appearance, though, are his large, bulky glasses with the thick black frames. The ones that constantly slide down his nose, that cause him to pause from his quick typing pace to use one finger to push them up.

Noticing me staring at him, Clark paused, head jerking up, then looked around, until finally he caught site of me. He gave a goofy little grin- trademarked as the 'Kent smile' by Patty down in Gossip- and waved at me awkwardly. I just shook my head, smiled back, and continued on my way to Perry's office.

I barged into the office, not pausing to knock or wait for a "Come in" by Perry; if I did, then they would think something was wrong with me. I'm not known as the most courteous reporter the Daily Planet has. "What do you want, Chief?" I asked, standing in front of Perry's desk with my hands on my hips.

Perry scowled, "Don't call me Chief!" It was almost his mantra, seeing how many times he has to say it to just about everyone. That and "Great Caesar's Ghost!" He then gestured to the chair sitting right beside me. "Sit, Lois."

I sat, rolling my eyes. I leaned forward in the chair, resting my chin on my hand. "What do you want?" I repeated, not wanting to stay in his cluttered office any longer than I had to.

Perry ran a hand through his rapidly thinning hair and sighed. "Lois, you need another interview with Superman," he stated simply.

I stood up sharply, knocking over the chair with a loud crash. Surely everyone had heard and was now looking at me through the glass walls surrounding the office, but I didn't care. I was mad.

"What do you mean, another interview? You told me that I wasn't going to be put on as many Superman stories, and what is this, my second one this week?" I was fuming, my rage out in the open for anyone to witness. "Besides, he's been back for a year! He's old news now."

I turned and stormed out of the office, but I still heard Perry yell after me, "I don't care! You are interviewing Superman or you lose your job! I don't give a damn how good a reporter you are!"

I collapsed in my chair, my fingers massaging my temples. Clark quietly came over to me, a look of concern on his face. And maybe a little bit of hurt, I wasn't really paying attention.

"Gee, Lois, I'm sorry about what happened…" Clark started out, but I interrupted him.

"Thanks Clark, but its not your fault," I said as I noticed a quick flash of guilt cross his face and then vanish. I looked around and sighed, while grabbing my purse. I was going up to the roof to smoke, unable to keep my promise to myself to quit after I had learned of my assignment.

Clark noticed my actions and realized what I was going to do, after years of observing me and learning my habits, "Er, Lois, I really don't think that you should be smoking. You could get-"

"Lung cancer. Yeah, I know. But don't worry, I'm not going to be smoking, I'm just getting some air," I cut Clark off and lied through my teeth.

I stood up and walked past Clark, brushing him on the side. 'Wow, he's warm,' I thought offhandedly to myself as I quickly walked over to the elevator and pushed the up button with my thumb, biting my lip as I waited for the car to come and carry me to my destination.

Soon enough, the elevator came, and I boarded, pressing the button for the roof. I looked down into my purse, double-checking that my cigarettes were, in fact, there. As soon as I looked up, I had arrived at the roof, the elevator dinging just confirming the fact.

Quickly I walked over to the edge of the platform, and set my purse down there and took out the cigarettes I had been craving, along with the lighter.

I took a deep breath; did I really want to throw away all my hard work of quitting smoking just because my slightly obsessive boss wants me to do a story that I didn't want? It was hard enough quitting the first time, and even harder quitting the second time when I took it up again after Richard had left for London. Ignoring my screaming conscience, I made my decision and promptly stuck a cigarette between my lips, fumbling with my lighter to light it.

I finally was able to flick the flame on, but then with a slight breeze it went out again. And, like always, I once again attempted to light my cigarette, but was met with a much more forceful breeze. I sighed and turned around, taking the cigarette out of my mouth.

"What do you want?" I asked _him_, the big blue Boy Scout of Metropolis, and my own private anti-smoking campaign.

"I heard about the assignment you got," Superman stated simply, his arms folded across his chest, standing a mere ten feet away from me.

I mimicked him, crossing my arms. "How?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Was he spying on me?

He just grinned and laughed, something that startled me. His grin… it was so familiar. "How could you not hear? My super hearing helped a bit too," he said jokingly, very much unlike the cold, distant superhero I was used to.

After I was frozen in disbelief that the man that I thought was so stoic and inhuman was laughing like any other guy, I smiled too. "Well, I guess you heard about my needing to get an interview from you," I said, pulling out a pad of paper and pencil, preferring old fashioned methods rather than the tape recorder that most reporters use now.

Superman nodded slowly, "Yes. But, lets not have it here. One of your coworkers could come up at any moment," he said flicking his head slightly towards the door. I got the message- someone was coming up, now.

"How about my place?" I asked, putting away my lighter, cigarettes, pad of paper, and pencil into my purse, sighing in private relief that I would be able to hold the interview in a place much more personal, and more intimate than the roof of the Daily Planet. Wait- intimate?

I shook my head, trying to get my romantic feelings towards the man out. That same man nodding again, and held out his hand. "Grab on. Don't worry- I won't let you fall," he said with a small smile.

I grabbed his hand, and almost melted when I met his warmth, a warmth that was familiar to me- but not coming from Superman. I wracked my brain, trying to remember the similar instance, but all thoughts of that flew out of my head when my head, and the rest of me, flew up into the night air with Superman.

We flew above the busy world of Metropolis, each of its citizens caught up in their own complex story, completely unaware of one of the most amazing and bestselling novels was flying right above their heads. I held on tight to Superman; his many flights with me had not cured me of my hesitancy with heights, just softened it.

The crisp afternoon air caressed my face, lulling me into a world of peace, a world without worries about my next story, Jason, Perry, or even Clark Kent- a world where the only two people were me and him.

We touched down softly onto my balcony with a slight tap when my heels clicked onto the concrete flooring. I let him hold me in his arms for a moment, taking in his smell, and then let go, turning my back and walking towards the two chair I had set up.

I sat down in one, pulling my skirt under me out of force of habit. Pulling out my notepad and pencil from my purse once again, I gestured towards the other chair, nodding my head much like Perry had done to me just a mere half hour ago today.

He sat, pulling his cape under him much like I did with my skirt; a feminine gesture made masculine just by his presence and self-confidence. He then crossed his legs and folded his hands, leaning forwards towards me. Superman's piercing blue eyes drove into me, making me momentarily forget what I needed to do.

"So, uh, Lois, where should I start?" he asked encouragingly, making me snap out of my romantic daze.

"Oh! Um, well, you've been back for a year now, so how do you think we have been progressing, compared to the state we were in when you returned?" I asked quickly, saying the first thing that came to my head.

"We?" he asked, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.

"We? Oh!" I blushed, sensing where his confusion lie. "I meant, the Metropolis we. How do you think Metropolis is progressing, like with crime and everything?" I cleared my question up, my cheeks still burning red from embarrassment.

He rested his chin on his hand and leaned forward even more, thinking seriously. "Well, there are fewer crimes than there were while I was gone, but now all the crimes that are committed are much bigger in scale. I would say that the casual criminal is getting more discouraged, but the organized criminals- they are just getting more and more encouraged," he looked down and sighed, shaking his head. "More people need to realize that I'm not a god, I can't do everything and fix the world's problems. I'm just one man."

I let out a breath that I realized I had been holding, and studied the man that I had come to admire and perhaps even love. Even though I had gazed adoringly at his many photographs like a love-sick teenager, I had never really known him. I knew what he was, and all of his statistics and where he came from, but I didn't know what drove him, what fueled the man behind the neat black hair and the tall stature.

"No," I answered his statement. "You're Superman. You have powers beyond anyone's comprehension! You inspire people like no other person could," I said vehemently, trying not to let the less-than-perfect image of him enter my head, in fear that it would tarnish my love and respect for him.

Superman looked at me with a serious expression, his face hardening. "While I may have gifts that no human has, while I have influence the president may only dream of, I still am one man. I have hopes and fears like any other man. I have weaknesses, as you well know, and personality flaws. To be the sole savior of the world… Why, that's more than anyone can ask of anyone else," he said, holding my eyes with his.

I sucked in a breath, my confident façade almost cracking after his speech of sorts. I looked down, and noticing that I had written nothing down thus far, I let it out as I wrote a few comments down.

After I composed myself, I once again dared to look into Superman's eyes. Leaning forward, I asked the question that had been bugging me for the years that I had known him, "Who are you?"

He looked puzzled, and answered, "I'm Kal-El of Krypton, son of Jor-El-"

Shaking my head, I cut him off. "I know that. But who are you? Who are you really? Who is the man behind the suit, the one who is just a man?" I pressed, looking into his blue eyes with my hazel ones.

He sat back, conflicting emotions danced across his face. At last, he came to a decision, and leaned forward as he spoke the phrase that would follow me for the rest of my days.

"Lois, there's something that I've been meaning to, that I've been wanting to tell you."

I leaned forward, matching his mannerisms only with an inquisitive face; I had no idea, not an inkling, of what he was about to tell me. He stared at me, and took a deep breath, suddenly nervous. Once again, he radiated some sort of familiarity, and it was screaming at me to recognize it, but I couldn't place it.

"Lois, I- I have a different side to me. I'm, I'm not Superman the whole day," he stammered out hesitatively. He paused, and I smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. He gave me a quick smile back, seemingly glad of the small, yet meaningful show of support I gave him.

He took another breath and closed his eyes, preparing himself for something, like an angry outburst from me. "You- you know my other side already," he said, staring into my eyes, trying to pry the answer out of me.

I wracked my brain, trying to think of who he could be that I could know- but I could not think of anyone who could fit his profile, the smooth, confident man that sat before me, the one that risked his life to save others every day, the one that would do good no matter what.

Superman sighed, sensing that I was clueless to his real identity. He twisted around in his chair, looking for something hidden in one of the many folds of his cape.

I leaned over towards him, trying to see what he was rummaging around for before he properly presented it, a bad habit procured by years of reporting. I saw him hold something, a palm-sized, black something. He turned back towards me, concealing the true nature of the object from me by covering it with both of his hands.

"These- these are mine," he said as he slowly uncovered the object with his left hand, proudly displaying them with his right.

What I saw in his hands, what I saw was an object so familiar that it seemed almost surreal, like I couldn't possibly accept the facts when they were laying out right in front of my nose. The object he was holding was a pair of glasses- and not just any glasses, but a bulky, black-rimmed pair that I last saw on Clark Kent's face.

Clark Kent.

All of the sudden, it made sense. The frequent disappearances that were left unexplained, the striking resemblance- even the fact that Jason was attached to Clark at the hip. Clark Kent was Superman. Which also meant one other thing- and that one thing made me ten times more mad at him than his prolonged deception to me.

Clark Kent was Jason's father.

"Clark," I whispered, not able to say anything more. He nodded, and put his glasses on in a smooth, practiced motion. It was the oddest sight I had ever seen, seeing Clark's head on Superman's body. Not in the physical way, but seeing the head of a man so timid that he fainted while being mugged on a body belonging to a man who could lift continents- that was odd.

Clark, Superman, Kal-El, whoever he was sat in front of me quietly, his hands folded on his lap. His, that is, Superman's normal radiation of confidence was gone, instead replaced by nervousness, revealed by the nervous jiggled of his right leg. I realized he was waiting for a reaction from me.

"Why didn't you tell me before," I said quietly, not able to think of any other question. My mind was pushed to the limit with the barrage of information it was processing, making sense of all the things I overlooked before, that I shrugged off as coincidences.

"I was afraid, Lois. That you wouldn't accept me," he said calmly, staring into my eyes with his deep blue ones that were muted by his glasses, losing the intensity of the gaze.

"We had a child together! We _have_ a child together! And you've known about that for a year," I said, finally able to shake the stupor I was in from my consciousness.

He finally broke away from stare, and instead looked down at his hands, his confidence that he had loads of earlier severely diminished. "I didn't want to get in between you and Richard. He's- he was a good man."

"Yeah, right up until the point where he left me," I said bitterly, the pain from the break up still with me even six months later. "Why didn't you tell me after? Why now?"

Clark paused, unsure of how he should phrase his next comment. "I thought- I thought it would be too soon. Like it would be taking advantage of you. And now? Well, now was the first time I actually worked up the courage to tell you. I thought it would be for the best, you not knowing, but then after seeing Jason every day at working, and not being able to hug him… That practically killed me, Lois."

"But you're indestructible," I shot back bitterly, the words tasting much like the rancid coffee that was brewed daily at the Planet- awful, yet slightly invigorating.

Once again he met my eyes with his, taking off the glasses so his deep blue eyes would have an even greater effect. Those two blue eyes bore into me, revealing a small portion of who Clark really was- a man who was insecure like everyone else, just better at hiding it.

"No, Lois. I have very real weaknesses. Ones that could easily destroy me, if someone got hold of any of them," Clark said, staring into my own as intently as I am staring into his. "And they're not kryptonite."

He paused, breaking the intense gaze both of us were supporting with our eyes, our stubborn natures. I let out a small breath that I didn't know I was holding. "You, Lois. My biggest weakness is you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you forever…"

Insecurity radiated from his large frame. Suddenly, I felt responsible. Guilty, almost. "But you haven't lost me. I'm still here," I said, trying to reassure him. Awkwardly, I placed my hand on his thigh; just touching him sent tiny shivers up my spine. I could feel his leg muscles through the skin-tight fabric of his suit, they were tight and strong.

Smiling sadly at me, he covered my hand with his own. "You're wrong Lois- I did lose you. And that was the worst moment of my life."

My mouth opened in confusion; I studied his face to try and find what he really meant- did he mean when he came back and found me with Richard?

Looking at me seriously, he revealed the true meanings. "Remember the nuclear missile crisis? The first crime that Luthor committed. There was so much I had to do- I had to stop both the missiles, save everyone from dams breaking and buses falling off bridges. But in the midst of that, there was an earthquake near where you were reporting."

As he related this truth, I remembered. I remembered going along with Jimmy to investigate the suspicious land purchases in the Midwest. It was Jimmy's first major assignment, and he was more wound up than a spring in a jack-in-a-box.

I remembered Superman- Clark- coming to check on me after the earthquake, after the gas station I had stopped at moments earlier exploded in a fireball of gasoline. His eyes were filled with relief, relief from something unknown to me.

"But you didn't lose me- I was fine!" I protested, my memories of the events clear.

"No you weren't, Lois," he said quietly, his eyes dropping to the floor once again. He held my hand with both of his, his strong grip softly enveloping my small hand. "You died that day."

I felt as though I couldn't breathe- I died? There was an overwhelming sense of confusion and fear that came over me- I died? It was too big to comprehend. That I, Lois Lane, died.

"H- how?" I stuttered out, faintly aware in the back of my mind where I was still fully rational that I sounded a lot like Clark- the timid, mild-mannered Clark.

His eyes were filled with tears as he relived that day, and pain flashed across his normally stoic face. "You were caught in your car and- and there was a rock slide. I got to you too late. That was the worst feeling in the world, holding your body in my arms, not feeling your heartbeat. Knowing that you weren't there with your sarcastic remarks, and that you wouldn't be there anymore. It tore me up."

Clark took a deep breath, composing himself as he proceeded on with his tale. "I- I turned back time. I flew so fast around the world, that I reversed its rotation, undoing all the events leading up to your death. When I saw you alive, angry with me even, I was so happy. I just wanted to kiss you right there."

I put my free hand over his two, smiling weakly at him. He didn't even notice; his mind was still back at that day nine years ago.

"But all those people, all the people that I saved before, they all died. I couldn't save them, because I chose to save you instead. That's when I knew I had to make a choice- it was you or the world. And I chose the world," tears freely ran down his face. "I've regretted that decision every day of my life, but I kept with it. I don't ever want to see you hurt because of me, because of my enemies. You're just too important to me."

Looking at me, he reached over and wiped tears off my face; tears that I didn't even know they were there until he brought attention to them. His soft touch on my face awoke a fire that I didn't know was still smoldering, forgotten until now. As he took his hand away from my face, I longed for his touch, a feeling that surprised me. I thought I was Mad Dog Lane, the investigative reporter of steel. But that façade melted away when I looked into his eyes once again, finally seeing him without his own mask on.

Before my rational side could stop me, I leaned over and captured Clark's lips with my own, the first kiss we shared since he left so many years ago. He stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed, joining in the kiss with his own passion. I finally broke away, out of breath.

"Clark," I said smiling, my cheeks slightly flushed from the moment of unrestrained passion that had just passed between us. I stood up, and tucked my rebellious brown hair behind my ear.

Clark copied my actions; he, too, stood up. Smiling his famous Kent grin, he simply said, "Lois," before he wrapped his arms around my waist and once again met my lips with his.

And in that moment, that perfect moment, was when I knew that my life would never be the same again. Not any of the other realizations that I had made that fateful day, but the kiss that had brought me together with the man of my dreams.

Clark Kent. Kal-El. Superman.


End file.
